In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And
 the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon
 the face of the deep. And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any
 better than this."

And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. And
God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding
seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it
 was good. And the Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."

And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our
 likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the
 sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and
 over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that
creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own
 image; male and female did He create.

And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean
and fit. And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in
this game."

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
 spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and
 Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought
 forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to
 Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize
 them." And Man gained five pounds.

 And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep
 her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought
 forth chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds.

And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."

 And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained
 ten pounds.

 And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and
 olive oil with which to cook them."

 And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it
needed its own platter. And Man gained ten pounds and his bad
 cholesterol went through the roof.

 And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose
 those extra pounds.

 And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN
 and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.

 And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil."

 And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low
 in fat and brimming with nutrition.

 And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
 starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the
 Devil created sour cream dip.

 And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips
 swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is
 good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

 And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

 And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.

 Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and
 cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

 And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body
 with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink
 twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz.
 And Man gained another ten pounds.

 And God created the life-giving tofu.

 And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate
 and upon returning asked Man, "Do I look fat?"

 And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did.

 And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the
 land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

 And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took unto
herself comfort food. And God brought forth Weight-watchers.
 It didn't help.

 And God created exercise machines with easy payments. And man
 brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And the exercise
 machine went to dwell in the closet of Nod, east of the
 polyester leisure suit.

 And in the fullness of time, Woman received the exercise
 machine from Man in the property settlement.
It didn't help her, either.